Excuse my language. But I am a bit upset. First of all – at myself.

In the dawn of Valentine’s Day, I have seen this little video on a couple of my male friend’s facebook pages (I actually don’t think it’s for the purpose of reminding themselves not to forget Valentine’s Day). I watched it and felt unsexy.

I thought I had found a solution later that evening – it was to go and buy some sexy lingerie the next day. Some minutes later, the functioning part of my brain set in, and I realized that I had just watched a commercial and it had worked perfectly. But I guess it was not only clever marketing that caused my temporarily distorted perception – the reasons for a distorted image of femininity and sexiness lie in ‘modern’ culture and society.

A “(…) claustrophobic culture that teaches many young women that it is only through exploiting their sexual allure that they can become powerful.” (Natasha Walter, Living Dolls)

 

The functional part of my brain also reads – it probably functions because it reads – and I finally started reading Natasha Walter’s Book, Living Dolls, which had been waiting for me on my bed stand for a little while now. I am happy and thankful, that someone was able to put in words what I had encountered and why; not for the first time by the way – especially in the entertainment business it is difficult to stay sane at times. I did and do believe or I was made believe – luckily never for to long! – in “links that are made between this kind of exaggerated sexual and empowerment.”

“This equation of empowerment and liberation with sexual objectification is now seen everywhere, and is having a real effect on the ambitions of young women.”

This Valentine’s day I want to give you this bouquet of words from Natasha Walter:

“Yet far from fading away, they (artificial images of feminine beauty) have become narrower and more powerful than ever. What’s more, throughout much of our society, the image of female perfection to which women are encouraged to aspire has become more and more defined by sexual allure. Of course wanting to be sexually attractive has always and will always be a natural desire for both men and women, but in this generation a certain view of female sexuality has become celebrated throughout advertisement, music, television programmes, films and magazines. This image of female sexuality has become more than ever defined by the terms of the sex industry.”

… to remind you, and obviously myself, that sexy lies beyond what underwear you put on. It lies in talent, in a smile, in grace and understanding, in skills and forgiveness, in tenderness and love, in a wink and in a gesture, in a pure heart and gratefulness, in listening and giving. Of course, also in pretty underwear and taking care of yourself, but that it the last layer around something that is much more important.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

READ THIS BOOK. Everyone.

All quotes are taken from Living Dolls, Natasha Walter.